2005-05-11 - 1:00 a.m.
Do you ever just feel like your life is so fucked up you can't take it anymore? Things seem to get so behind, but you just can't make yourself care to catch it up. But nobody knows what it's like do they. Everyone seems happy in their little existence, doing what they do. Why? Why do we work everyday and do mundane things we don't like? Why do people look forward to the house and kids, and cars and things? Is that what we HAVE to do?
It's clear when you're here, and the world is mine. But when you're gone, it's so empty and senseless. I'm senseless. My purpose takes a vacation and I can't remember what I'm doing anymore. I have to hide behind a brave face in a suit of armor, pretend that it's all okay. But in the end, I'm just alone. Desperately trying to keep myself outside my within. I've spent too long there to go back in the cold and alone. I'm struggling to maintain my life, but I can't. My life isn't here. My life is you. And it feels like my heart is being ripped from my chest to know you are in pain everyday, physical or otherwise. But I don't think you know that. Yes, I've been searching for new routes to end my solitude, but it's only on the outside. My heart is lonely and I'm cold. Nothing will end that but you. Don't distance yourself from me, not emotionally. Physical distance has nothing to do with where you are away from me now. I'm here, waiting as always. And I'll wait forever if I have to, for you and you only.
Whatever happens... - 2005-08-22Blowin shit up... - 2005-07-07
Freaky weekend... - 2005-06-14
Wandering - 2005-05-31
I'm waiting... - 2005-05-11